Hopefully you get to learn a thing or two too.I swore never to share this embarrassing incident with anyone but along the line I got rich and famous so I DON’T CURR ANYMORE.
Aside that, today makes it a year my first article got online so I feel compelled on this special day to share to those who have been following my
posts religiously on hotels.ng travel blog,lazywrita’s blog and on Naijasinglegirl’s blog howit all began.
April 1st 2013, I freelanced for a random blog with my real names and dropped my contact details at the bottom of the article.
The day after my publication, I received an sms.
>>>[BLOGGER OF LIFE! You are a great writer. Call me ASAP and I’m going to make you a star.’Sunny Ikeji]I took the risk and dialled his number. I call it risk because I hate making MTN to GLO calls.
Those two networks are sworn enemies (MTN fix your tariffs!) but I did it anyway.You know ‘rich men’ are men of few words. I can never forget his brief sentence.”I’m Linda Ikeji’s brother. Let’s meet tomorrow evening. Have a nice day.”
My joy knew no bounds! Minutes after he dropped the call, he sms me an address of one restaurant in Lagos Island.
I rarely visit blogs but that day I had to comment on not less than 20 posts on Linda’s blog in the event she requests for my proof of loyalty to her blog before helping me to become a blogger of life.
Next day,I arrived in my Christmas clothes…all set to impress.You know, I had to look good in the event I run into paparazzi when I’m having a Dom Perignon with Linda and her brother’.
Linda’s Ikeji brother was seated at an empty table when I casually walked into the bar.You can’t blame human nature. When you are desperate, you only see what your eyes wants you to see.
I saw a male version of Linda Ikeji! Literally, the only thing that was missing in him was Linda’s signature centre parting. *sigh* “I thought you were coming here with your sister?”I asked, trying to conceal my disappointed.
“She was busy when I left the house…blogging and making millions. Girl, when she teaches you this thing, you’ll understand. She’ll be with us soon though.” he replied with a grin.
“Oh! You live with your sister?” I enquired further.“Not really. Do you know that white mansion at Ikoyi? Its mine…built it from my sister’s blogging millions.”
He replied while he adjusted the collar of his heavily starched shirt. I’m not even familiar with Ikoyi talk more of sighting a white house but I had to agree I’ve seen it severally just to get into the good books of The Ikeji’s.
He didn’t even offer to get me a glass of hot water not to mention the champagne I was expecting. We just stared at the empty table in silence.
God please let my christmas clothes not waste. I prayed After a while he broke the silence.“You are going to buy me lunch. Aren’t you? I want my sister to like you well. Linda Ikeji chopping money will surely refund you 10x when she joins us.”
He spoke beating his dry chest. I can swear bits of starch spilled from his collar but trust human nature, our eyes only sees what it wants us to see. I saw the particles of his ‘expensive’ perfume!
What is buying a celebrity food compared to the millions I’ll start making from blogging as soon as Linda arrives? Who knows, I just might end up as Linda’s sister in-law if I impress him.I excused myself and went to the ATM across the road, withdrew 8k from the change in my account (7k in the event Linda wants her own food and 1k as vex money) and got back.I gave him the full permission to order.
He ordered three bottles of beer and two plates of chicken peppersoup. The guy downed everything inside his caterpillar mouth within ten minutes. I have never met such a glutton all my life!“I don’t like eating alone. Go get yours.” He commanded.Just imagine the FOOD DIGGER ontop my own money.
I had no choice but to obey Mr Ikeji. After all, I wanted to become a blogger of life.I left for the counter and came back with my own peppersoup…..just pepper and water, no meat.He peeped at my food and gave me a queer look.“I’m a vegetarian.” I lied.If only he knew the cash I was left with had forced me to a temporary vegetarian.
As if that was not enough, he brought out one ugly looking Nokia Xpress Music phone and called someone I thought was Linda to hurry up.I’m sure he forgot his Sony Xperia Z at his Ikoyi mansion. I consoled myself.
One wretched looking guy (the guy he must have called) emerged in his full hungry glory and joined us. Linda’s brother introduced him as his friend and our father christmas gave him the permission to order too.“But what is left in my pocket…is just my….vex money” I stuttered, tying to hold back the tears.
He consoled his mugu with magic words.“BLOGGER OF LIFE! Linda will so like this girl eh.”“I swear to God.” His friend acknowledged in excitement.With tears in my eyes, I told his friend to feel free.The friend requested for two bottles of beer,fried chicken and two eggs.
Who eats such combination?That was the height of greed!Literally, he ate three animals in one meal.After I paid for the meal, it dawned on me I had just N400 left and I had been waiting for Linda Ikeji for two hours.I became restless in my seat!That was when I broke my announcement.
“I don’t want to be a blogger a life anymore. I just want to go home” I cried. Sunny’s friend defended him despite the fact that his mouth was full of egg.“Why na? Be patient with Kayode. Linda will soon arrive.” He consoled me while bits of yolk flew out from his smelly egg mouth.
“Hold it right there! Who is kayode?” I
questioned angrily.
That’s when it occurred to me I had been used as a meal ticket.
“So Sunny Ikeji chopping money, your name is Kayode and this your friend must be Linda?” I questioned angrily.”Babe, that’s not true… I’m just trying… to make you… appi.” he stuttered.Appi? His H-factor had exposed his Yoruba lineage.The scales fell from my eyes.I realised he didn’t even bear an atom of resemblance to Linda’s neighbour gateman cousin.
Knowing I was 2013 biggest fool, I was too embarrassed to raise an alarm.
I brought out my phone and began making a fake call to my police uncle just to scare them.Before I knew it, both boys disappeared into thin hair leaving me stranded with just empty beer bottles, chicken bones, egg shells and N300 in my pocket. Apparently, they must have used jazz on me.Only God knows what plans they had for me if I didn’t come to my senses.
Need I mention how I trekked halfway home?Sunny’s number never went through.I wonder how many Sunny’s are out there using Linda Ikeji’s name to prey on innocent people….
SOURCE:LazyWriters Blog
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